The Barber of Hogwarts
by Madhatter1981
Summary: Does Hogwarts have barbering facilities? Some of the students might wish it not to be so after their first trim from this barber.


**A/N****:** I haven't seen this in any of the stories that I've read so I thought I might give it a go.

**The Barber of Hogwarts**

When Harry read over the invitation to attended Hogwarts, that Hagrid had given him when the half-giant had caught up with the Dursley's, he'd apparently missed this part of it. He and all the Gryffindor first years were standing in a line leading to a room that was near the Hospital Wing, but thankfully from what he could see they weren't actually going there. He had bad experiences with doctors, although that had more to do with Uncle Vernon ranting about how much of a drain paying for the injuries and sickness the Dursley's dubious care had led to for Harry than anything else. Apparently having someone grip about pay for one's service within their earshot leads to bad service, something you might think Uncle Vernon would realize given his default setting is to complain about everything constantly often his complaints being about the poor service his was getting for his money.

With Ron behind him Harry would have felt somewhat comfortable if it wasn't for Hermione in front of him nervously murmuring about what this could be about. Harry had to admit that Hermione had a point; he couldn't think about anything since their rather abortive flying lesson that had called for all the first years to be called together like this.

Professor McGonagall had shown up in the Gryffindor common room yesterday to tell the first years that they first appointment would be next Saturday after lunch and that they should wait for a prefect to collect and lead them to the medical wing. After that Professor McGonagall left after given everyone in the common room a nod. When the prefect, earlier today had led them to the medical wing he hadn't answered any of their questions; just saying that everything would be explained when they got to the medical wing and they should just put it out of their minds until then.

Starting to realize that he was panicking slightly Harry took a deep breath and tried his best to calm himself. As he listened to the students around him Harry thought back to try to see if he had picked up on anything in the common room, after McGonagall's announcement that might explain what was going on. Realizing that he wasn't aware of what was going on anymore than before Harry revolved to take things as they came and stop worrying about something that it would seem that he had no control over.

Looking around to observer the reactions of his classmates, for the most part Harry wasn't surprised at what he saw; the people who were raised in the wizarding world were standing around with a board look on their faces or talking in hushed murmurs about either quidditch (boys), fashion/make-up (girls) or school assignments (Ravenclaws). The Half-bloods that were raised in the wizarding world seem to have the same lack of a reaction. The Half-bloods raised in the muggle world (like himself) and the muggleborns had on their face a look of either confusion or fear. Harry thought about asking Ron or Nevile about what was going on but the thought that it was something like the sorting and wasn't talked about to incoming first years, or if it was it was greatly exaggerated to the point that you couldn't talk what was said as the truth made him decide that it would be best just to wait it out. Seeing that none of the magically raised seem to be to worried Harry put it out of his mind and focused on something that he found to be more important; how to deal with his notoriety as The-Boy-Who-Lived.

Harry had made some progress in his decision to talk to the professors about his parents and that he didn't know much of anything about their past when the conversations that the students (mostly girls) were having had become too much to ignore.

"I think I'll have the beehive do," one of the witches ahead of him was saying, "I hear it's all the rage. The difficulties with the procedure are worth it with the results it gives. After all one must suffer for beauty." The girls around the speaker all nodded with agreement, or sycophancy, Harry couldn't be sure. He didn't notice the bushy haired brunette was getting redder and redder with every statement that the seemingly fashion conscious witches were speaking. Finally she apparently couldn't take it anymore and turning around started in on them.

"You girls are being silly! A beehive do is just a bouffant style hair cut that is in the shape of a beehive, they don't actually use one in the process of giving you the hairstyle. Honestly what are you people told that would lead you to believe something like this." Trailing off about how maybe her parent had been right to be skeptical about this school the bushy haired girl reached into a bag that she had at her side and pull out a book and began reading it closing out the rest of the students around her.

The next hour or so passed without much to draw Harry away from his own introspection. Attempts to get The-Boy-Who-Lived's attention was quickly given up as a bad job given that Harry was so stuck in the memories of all the horrible barbering experiences he had while staying with the Durselys that he'd basically closed out everyone around him as a defense against being bullied by people as he was being in the memories that were overtaking him. While this was an understandable reaction given the life that Harry had lived thus far it had a lasting effect of making him seem aloof and standoffish to the rest of his year mates that he never completely lost with everything that happened to Harry given his formative years.

It was with a surprise that he heard his name being called so lost in thought was Harry. Looking up Harry noticed that he was at the doorway that he fellow students had gone into for the last hour. Noticing that he was among the last of the first years to be called to get their hair cut and surprised that neither Malfoy or Ron had tried to make any trouble (both had and were quickly pushed to the front of the like to save the rest of the first years the trouble of dealing with them, leaving Crabbe, Goyle looking rather wrong footed not having Malfoy around to tell them what to do while Parkinson seemed nearly beside herself, not having Malfoy to hang onto), Harry step into the room.

Harry's first impression was that it wasn't like any barbering facility that he'd ever seen before and given the number of barbers that Aunt Petunia had dragged him to over the years he'd seen his fair share. This room had a single barbers chair in it that looked practically Victorian in it design with is wrought iron and stained wood detail work and it heavy padded armrests the chair look something from another age. Harry stepped towards it with nervous steps. Stepping on a loose rock caused to shift and knock into another, alerting the barber of Harry's presence. Harry took a step back at the look of the man; dark eyes sunk into a pale face topped with a wild head of hair streak with white from one temple trailing back as if the man in question had suffered some great shock. Apparently not noticing his clients surprise at his appearance the barber step forward with his had struck out, Harry shook it somewhat mechanically.

"Master Harry Potter I presume?" the barber commented while leading Harry to the barbering chair within. As he was entreated to sit in the ancient looking barbering chair Harry looked around with some surprise at the tools the barber had lined up on a table alongside the chair that Harry was sitting in, not to close to impede his task yet close enough to be at hand if needed. While Harry found the bowl not to surprising, seeing that Ron as well a Seamus seemed to prefer that style of haircut; or more rightly their parents did, he must admit that the pair of what looked like gardening shears and if his eyes didn't deceive him; what was an actual beehive gave him pause. The barber noticed that his client's attention was drawn to something past him and turned to investigate, upon noticing what it was he addressed Harry.

"Simple tools of the trade master Harry nothing more, just tools of the trade," the barber replied as he gestured to the implements on the table beside him. Pointing at each article in turn the barber explained it function.

"For the more popular bowl cut the simplest of methods. Just apply over the head making the size of the bowl the preferred size for the hair cut then tap it with you wand like thus and a bowl cut better that any could give. While I'd admit it's not as popular now as it's been in the past, the beehive cut is still a way for the forward thinking young lady to get their young man's attention better that any I've ever seen. As for the hedge clippers Hagrid's quit the tricky customer but this seems to be the best method that I've stumbled across. Now if there are no other questions, Master Harry, shall we get to it?" Harry nodded in agreement, felling somewhat a similar felling to this barber that he does around Snape.

It was quite honestly the strangest haircut Harry ever had the pleasure to be subjected to. Not just due to the fact that the barber seem to enjoy singing somewhat bloodthirsty diatribes about what he like to do to everyone, most noticeably the people of London, he also put Harry off of meat pies for a good number of years as well. It didn't help that the more difficult his hair cut became the more vengeful the barbers singing became, making Harry quite nervous the longer he spent sitting in the chair.

After a while the noise; singing as well as barbering noise stopped altogether and Harry was spun around to face the barber. Harry noticed that the man seemed rather deranged with his hair having seemed to have grown in volume over the passing time that he had been working on Harry's hair. Taking a breath the barber calmly but with seeming difficulty turned away from Harry and put down his barbering implements. Still not turning to face Harry the barber addressed him.

"Tell me Master Harry what exactly is your parentage?" the barber question in an overly calm tone. Upon Harry telling him that he was the son of Lily and James Potter the barber became quite enraged and stated singing and twirling his straight razors around in increasingly intricate patterns. If Harry wasn't so worried for his life than he would've been rather impressed with the man's deft handling of the blades. After a while the man's agitated activities seemed to be coming to a close. As he put down his straight razors, Harry let out a breath that he didn't realize that he was holding. Without turning the barber spoke.

"Master Harry, I'm afraid there is nothing I can do about your hair as you have the rare trait of being cursed with Potter hair. While it can be tamed somewhat with a substance called Sleekeazy's Hair Potion there is nothing that can be done for it in the long run. You sir," here the barber turned to address Harry directly, "have the most untamable hair in the universe. When barbers get together to talk about the trials and triumphs' of our trade Potter hair comes up as our elusive unicorn, in that none of us have ever been able to tame it; and it seems as I am not to be the one to break the cycle." Sounding somewhat like he was speaking to himself, the barber continued, "I will have words with them; especially the potion master, to think that they could have warned me that another _Potter_ was going to be here, oh they will feel my wrath to be sure, I will have vengeance upon them." Hoping that nothing bad would happen but palming his wand as a precaution Harry asked the barber if they were done, started from his musings the barber turn to Harry.

"Yes Master Harry I'm afraid there is nothing that can be done for one who has _Potter Hair_ even for someone with my talents. I wish you a good day and bid you on your way, if you feel peckish, my companion has some meat pies that she's giving away as gratis for all of the students, as we were worried that we'd cut into you mealtime. I hope that the next time I see you, your hair is manageable, but I won't hold my breath. If you could be so good as to tell you headmaster and potion professor that I require a meeting with them at the end of the day I would be most obliged to you, other than that I wish you a good day and remain you most faithful servant Sweeney Todd, Barber."

In telling his friends about his meeting with the strange barber later that day, Ron and Hermione greeted his retelling with slight skepticism. Harry had to admit that it was quite a strange tale. The explanation to Neville asking what his experience with the barber was quit a surprise.

"They had Sweeney Todd try to cut a Potter's hair?" Neville said in shock, "they're lucky to be alive. I heard that Sweeney swore a blood oath not to have anything to do with anyone in the Potter family after trying to cut your father's hair for the first four years that he went to Hogwarts."

When this was explained to Hermione the next day she scoffed at the story asking how a man that looked to be in his mid-forties at most could have been barbering when Harry's parents went to Hogwarts. Neville overhear what the Trio were discussing responded that Sweeney Todd was rumored to be a vampire.

While the rest of the first years delved into an argument over whether the famed barber was a vampire, Snape's cousin or just a man that was in need of some sunshine, Harry found that his eye was drawn to the Head table where McGonagall seem to be chewing out both the Headmaster and Professor Snape who appeared to be wearing rather odd looking cravats along with their normal robes that day. While Harry admitted that the Headmaster seemed to pull it off quit well he thought that the Professor looked somewhat odd and was glad that he wasn't scheduled to have potion till Tuesday.

To Harry's surprise and pleasure, this year at Hogwarts was the most pleasant that he had thus far, however it wasn't so for some.

Upon hearing that Sweeney Todd was still at Hogwarts and remembering an oath that their Lord swore about never letting Todd live after he got out of Hogwarts, an attack that led to a whole squadron of Death Eaters dying. Lucius, in an effort to avenge the memories of his fallen comrades, went to talk to Todd with some "acquaintances" coming along as back up. They were never heard from again, no petitioning to the ministry ever lead to a resolution to the question of what happened to them.

Narcissa, although having been married to Lucius more for arm candy's sake than anything else, was much smarter than her husband, after all she never joined Voldiemort's support/terror group. Upon hearing her son make plans to avenge his father's death Narcissa told Draco a small white lie about Lucius running away with his mistress, she felt trying to explain to her son that he was born due to contractual oblation more than any real attraction between his parents would be to much for Draco to take; her poor dragon was such a sensitive soul. On an unrelated note, the meat pies that the elves served at Hogwarts that month were agreed to be some of the most succulent ever made by the house elfs.

**A/N 2****: **Please review.


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